Gottman couples therapy

Do you keep having the same arguments, feel increasingly distant, or struggle after a breach of trust? A relationship crisis can make it seem impossible to talk without hurting each other. I help you understand what is happening between you, find a way to communicate and consider what you want for your relationship.

What is Gottman Method couples therapy?

Developed by psychologists John and Julie Gottman, the approach draws on their research into couple relationships. It combines a relationship assessment with practical work on friendship and closeness, conflict management and shared meaning. The aim is to help partners handle disagreements more constructively, rather than expect every difference to disappear.

Working through a relationship crisis

Repeated arguments, silence, jealousy, infidelity, sexual difficulties, the pressures of parenting or changes connected with living abroad can bring a couple to therapy. Each partner often arrives with their own pain and explanation of the problem. My role is to help both of you feel heard and understand the pattern in which you have become stuck.

We start with specific everyday situations. What happens just before a conversation escalates? What are you trying to communicate? What does your partner hear? Looking closely at these moments helps turn a broad accusation into a clearer request.

How I will help you

I am a clinical psychologist and have completed Level 1 and Level 2 training in Gottman Method Couples Therapy. I adapt the work to your history, your pace and the goals we agree together.

• Understand your relationship. We explore your history, current difficulties, expectations and existing strengths. Depending on your circumstances, individual interviews and questionnaires may complement our conversations together.
• Reduce escalation. We identify criticism, contempt, defensiveness and withdrawal. We practise alternatives: expressing a need without attacking, taking responsibility for your part, showing respect and taking a calming break before returning to the conversation.
• Address painful issues. We make room for hurt, unmet needs and ongoing differences, and look for compromises that take both partners seriously.
• Create opportunities to reconnect. Small exercises between sessions can help you listen, notice each other’s efforts and make space for enjoyable time together.

Rebuild connection and choose your next steps

Therapy does not require you to stay together at any cost. It can support rebuilding your relationship or help clarify a decision when your wishes differ. We review what is changing and what remains difficult. No particular outcome can be guaranteed.

Where there is violence, coercive control or fear, each person’s safety comes first. Individual assessment and specific support may be needed before joint sessions can be considered.

Books and further reading

These books offer complementary perspectives. Esther Perel’s and Alain de Botton’s books are not manuals of the Gottman Method.

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  Fight Right: How Successful Couples Turn Conflict Into Connection
  Julie Schwartz Gottman and John Gottman, 2024. Practical reflections on the way partners approach conflict and repair their connection.
• 
  Mating in Captivity
  Esther Perel, 2006. On intimacy, independence and sustaining desire in a long-term relationship.
• 
  The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity
  Esther Perel, 2017. A perspective on betrayal, its impact and the questions it raises for couples.
• 
  The Course of Love
  Alain de Botton, 2016. A philosophical novel about the ordinary challenges of building a life together, beyond falling in love.

Videos to explore